Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
