The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
