You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
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Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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