Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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