you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
