Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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