Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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