Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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