my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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