Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
