MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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