dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
