Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
