saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
