Barsexuality is the new black.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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