oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
