New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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