he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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