There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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