i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
