Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
