I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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