is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
