Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
