It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
