The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
