Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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