One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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