i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
