Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What a fucking waste of an outfit
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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