the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
