U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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