Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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