No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
