i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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