a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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