I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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