i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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