i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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