I will die if light touches me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
