...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
