Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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