also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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