So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
