so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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