watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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