But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I look better un-naked...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
