So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
