I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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