Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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