I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
