Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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