Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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