I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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