Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
