You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
