I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
