Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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