I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
