had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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