I heard we made out
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my shit smells like andre
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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