So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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