Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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