9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
