I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
