Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
