It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
