I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
