Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
