Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
