Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dignity is for republicans.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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