I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
